I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Pants are for mortals
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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