i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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