I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
