i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
