Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
