saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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