So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
