all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
