One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
