upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Bring me that man meat
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
PANTIES FOUND
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