Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
