We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
