He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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