this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
