I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
