I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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