I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
