people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
