Hey man sorry I got all grabby
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
