so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So much Jack, so little girl.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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