You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
