I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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