hell yes lets make some ravioli
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
