PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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