Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
