is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Of course I have a pirate flag
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
