I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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