wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
