Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
