Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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