I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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