Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
