Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
