You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
