Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize