Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
