So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
