I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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