Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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