I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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