her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
