this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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