So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
