The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
