I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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