hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
