I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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