I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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