i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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