Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
