The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
